சிந்திக்க அல்ல, சுவைக்க.
Not to think, but to taste

Saturday 21 May 2011

an unforgettable turn

in our day to day endeavor, we go through many incidents that make us sit back and realize what the purpose of we reacting to it in such a manner that it affects us the way it does. some of these incidents carry forward to become scars that testify our character and some become our accolades the glorifies our pride. character and pride, things which have become synonymous with the males and the equal opposites of our species. what a guy does is acceptable just because of there is something hanging down south where else if a girl does it, its despicable. the gender discrimination is at its worst when the subject matter in question is a sensibly illogical behavior to anyone with a cent worth of common sense hidden anywhere in them. instead it will be blown up to alarming proportions and adjudicated much to the annoying optimisms of the elders that this will not be the last time this mater will occur.  

I digress. I will only stand and watch this time. guess I learned not to tell them that they are wrong. after all some people just don’t learn, and besides who am I to say when I can even see where my own path Is heading? just finished with my degree, and am nut ecstatic about it as I thought I would. the presentation was brutal. enough said, I am not going to think about it again ever. those who don’t know how to respect the hard work and passion that went into making a piece of work, does not deserve to know about it either, call it ego, pride or any other name one may label it with, but I would not compromise my principles for someone who don’t have one. I walked out, with my integrity and dignity intact, tall and undeterred that I have done my part. its high time HE/SHE did HIS/HERS.

a new chapter has begun, a dragging chapter has ended. I took a turn on the crossroad. wish I know now it self, whether that’s a right turn or a left one.

Wednesday 4 May 2011

i have an extra s

arts has been a solace to me lately, with me indulging into proper singing aided with lessons from the internet. it has proven to be much joy as it comes with appreciation and acknowledgement from unexpected places. when i worked as a marketing executive post stpm, i have been told countless times, my voice is very sweet by those who really meant it, and those with other intentions. clients, have to be polite to them, so generally i would gush out a fake excitement and launch into thanking them profusely till the deal is signed. most of the time it worked, and i didn't see it being ethically wrong and i went along with it. until one faithful day, i had to speak to a local dude, who launched midway into other things during our telephony discussion. i was horrified , appalled, disgusted, shamed, scared and what not, as i cant end the call abruptly nor i can ask him why his voice is changing and what are the other extra noises he is making is f are. worst, the conversation is recorded to be reviewed later, by the quality assurance department. nevertheless, that  was the last time i told to my self, no more using sweet voice.

as i resigned to continue my studies, i became back the reserved quiet person i am, resorting to only the occasional shower singing, or the hymns during gatherings where i would always be called upon to sing. i would proudly beam and do my best mesmerize them, always getting compliments on my singing and urgings to take singing lessons as soon as possible. singing eventually become my companion when i needed to let out steam, calm my self or cry away. yes, tears would be rolling out and i would be belting out. being alone most of the times at home helps, as i don't have to worry about being a possible source of noise pollution.

most of the times, i carried a sad tune, until someone came into my life and brighten it up. the world seem so perfect with that person in and i finally understood the meaning to live for others. the person was my light to the my darkness, the breeze to my suffocation, the love to my soul. the strength i derived from the person enable me to move on with life, to live life and to see life. the person was gift from god, my angel. my tune changed, i sang happy melodies, explore different singing styles, incorporating from choir days with my passion for carnatic. the person became my muse, my music,.

but i just had to screw things up.

now, all i have are memories of the person, and missing the person is like drinking water to satisfy an insatiable thirst. my tune is back to being a sad yearning one. tears have dried up. but the love, has only swelled more as each day passes by. i wish the person understands me, that what ever i did, it was not to meant to hurt , but it was the opposite. till when the tune is gonna be sad? till when will i be able to final earn the persons pardon? time will tell, and till then i shall wait..