clouds above

thoughts. comes to you when your mind is relaxed for a even a second. floods your conscience with something as simple as whats for dinner or an appointment in your to do list. and then the fleet away. the ones that lingers on, is the one that has the aftertaste, a distinctive feeling that makes you go deep into your memory and search for the past. a thought of some one, an incident or simply something that caught your attention.

 as you ponder on, trailing one after another, a train of thoughts will transform you into a different plane altogether.... emotions will be stirred together in a cocktails of expressions, all boiled down to remorse or contentment.

you know what, remorse kills, but it never leads to death.

dying each time, thinking of you, waiting for you, telling all will be alright. its painful to know that the one you love is hurting you unknowingly, but it's more painful to know that the one that hurts you, loves you just as much as you love them, if nut more. then the waiting induces thoughts about what made them to do this and and then when it hits you, that it's you that all this is happening, you just swallow the choke of tears and wait.

while above clouds of thoughts engulf your conscience for a another bumpy emotional road trip. rendering you to being subjected to scrutinizing by just about who ever you pour out. horror, just when you need it, in the form of a pinching reality check.

the saying idle mind is a devils workshop is so utterly overrated. its more of a poignant cloud releasing machine. clouds, which i digress. now, thats a first. above.

finale

it has finally ended. a saga that started on the day i enrolled my self to do form 6 in 2006. what started out as a dare, then a genuine disliking, evolved into a true liking, matured on to become something more concrete, followed by silent suffering, overwhelming guilt and exaggerated remorse, aged today to become a memory that will serve a mark for me on my only and last attempt to embrace what i am not.

i tried to shake off a part of me that took 5 long miserable and painful years to accept it, to become what the society sees me as, but alas today i had a reality check that, no*pausing and LOLing to the way a character speaks in tv drama*matter how much i tried, it is not going to materialize. i fated to be who i am, albeit knowing that before, i tried. believe me, i tried and the pain is real as well, surprisingly.

this day also reminded me of a support which i treasure very much, and knowing that WE is impossible, being YOU and ME, is more than i can ask for. and to my saga, these last 3 years have only sowed in me the fact, true feelings will never die, it just changes its directions and  for your own good, i hope our paths never cross again. your changed one to many times,  really hope this time, it will last till where you want it and how you want it. sadly enough, i am not going to wait and see it with you and to me, a new beginning awaits me. i hope this will beginning will lead to a good ending, no matter how it is. bon voyage to me and you.

the coincidence of consequence. propagation

principles. the rule we live by. things we believe in. faith. dictates the way we live our live. but what if there is a factor that looms ahead all the time, threatening to disrupt your equilibrium if you don't go their way. if you think any explaining should do any help. you should only try it if they are furnished with the science of reasoning. if not, simple. the answer, hypocrisy. yup, just be a hypocrite. cause you know what, they deserve it.

anguishing over unknown reasons or situations is never going to be the new black, hence why we waste our energy trying to sort things in where they belong? because the after taste of awkwardness, is nut at all sweet. running into people whom we discarded, trashed, stepped over or what not, is always a chance to put it into their face. but not all of us have the inner bitch in us to do the roll call once again, despite the many claims.

some say time and karma will pay back exactly what everyone deserves,i say time and karma is in a illegitimate affair. so, get hold of their little black book, wear your prada's, and get down and dirty. for folks, you live once, you dont have to screw your way to hell, just enough to get to know, how does it feels not to be at the bottom all time  long. this should be our dirty little secret. bon voyage.